So I haven't really been writing on my blog for a long while, I am at a point in my life where I had enough of the judgement from people in my life about how I act in situations. Which I am still struggling with now a lot. I am going to be writing a lot about my personal demons and fears on here as my own personal therapy hoping maybe it will help release my negative thoughts, as I know my blog is called Sophie Claire Beauty I will attempt a beauty post after this one depending on how I am emotionally feeling.
My anxiety is causing so many problems for me at this point still, from personal issues with the people I care about most of all, my work situation as I have been off sick for almost 3 weeks due to a kidney infection which may turn out to be something more (will have to wait and see what happens with this in the near future) but I now find I have a lot of anxiety at the thought of returning to work nothing to do with my colleagues or the work itself as I love my job colleagues they are all great in their own special ways. It's just due to the fact I have been off for so long, this little voice in my head just keeps saying all this silly things e.g. Judgemental thought about me being off, thinking I haven't actually been ill. Which I know many of you may think it's silly while others will understand exactly where I am coming from. I am now beginning to realise where my anxiety/insecurities are holding me back so much in life.
This time last year I was about of start a 6 week course of counselling with a charity based in Bristol called OfftheRecord, which at the beginning I was extremely anxious and unsure about as I normally hold everything back for anyone I know and just let the thought be put to the back of my mind as I personally think I don't want to force or push my problems onto anyone else as when you get older you soon realise many people are dealing/fighting their own personal demons. I have now realised I can't keep holding all this inside myself as it will get to me twice of much as I am now finding myself crying which I think is for no reason but in the back of my mind it's because of all that I am holding back. While I was at my counselling I soon began to realise I have many issues that I hadn't began to realise were effecting me so much, family, friends, old school related issues, work related issues. The counselling I found helped in one respect to get certain things off my chest which I haven't spoken about with anyone at all while in other ways I found it made things twice as worse as I found I was struggling with a lot more than I was wanting to admit to myself let alone someone I didn't even know. Which I won't be going into detail now but maybe do a post on each in the near future.
Lately due to my kidney infection I am finding I am anxious about my work life being completely different, my health getting worse or even becoming sick again, my personal life is struggling a lot at the moment with issues with my boyfriends, loss of a friend, losing touch with other friends, struggling to open up and speak to family members. Which is causing me to feel very alone and lost. I am currently using the app called Calm to help me sleep and to also help me when I am feeling extremely anxious to the point of almost having a panic attack.
If anyone can give me any tips or pointers that they have used to help the emotional stability that would be great.
Much Love
Sophie Claire <3
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